It's not enough that Michael is gone, and I'm already left to do it all by myself for two weeks. Or getting the flu I guess wasn't enough either, because Nate decides this week to give mommy some more. He has always been a mama's boy, needing me very much. He recently has had a problem with me leaving (like when he was at daycare) but that was about it. He has never had a problem in the church nursery or anywhere else. That changed today. He didn't want me to leave and started to cry the second I set him down. I didn't get paged out of service (because they are wonderful in there) but he was fussy and needy the entire time. He never has a problem there, able to play with all of his friends and all the new toys. So I guess this is the start of his separation anxiety. When I was sick on Monday, it was the longest he has gone without me and maybe it just really freaked him out. Combined with the fact that Daddy hasn't been home in over a week and that he is a baby that needs structure and routine, and he's all out of whack. So I'm hoping that this is temporary and that soon he will be able to go back to playing without me. Fingers crossed.
The separation anxiety is nothing compared the night we had on Friday. If I knew the day was going to be a preview for the night to come, I would have ran far, far away. Nate fought going down for both his morning and afternoon nap. It was a struggle, and after crying for longer than he actually slept, I started questioning if he still needs a morning nap, or a nap at all. But I know he does. Even if it's a short morning nap, he gets very cranky without it. So without a lot of sleep during the day, he was cranky the rest of the afternoon and evening. He went to bed just fine and I started thinking I had lucked out. Until 1am. Then the fun began. He started crying. Usually I can just go and plug him back up with his pacifier. This did not work. He was then angry that I left the room and started screaming and jumping on his bed. And when I say screaming, I mean screaming. It was the worst I've ever heard him scream. For the next 2 1/2 hours I tried everything; medicine (if his teeth were hurting), a bottle (in case he's hungry), the fan (maybe he's hot), no fan (maybe he's cold now), music, and holding him until he would settle down just to cry again when I put him back down. Nothing was working. So he stood in his bed jumping up and down screaming while I lied in my bed crying. He would stop screaming, start whimpering, and then there would be silence. I thought he had gone to sleep, but it would only last around 5 minutes and then the cycle would start all over again. At 3am I had had enough. I took him out of his crib and rocked him until he finally fell asleep at 3:30am.
Maybe I should have just left him from the beginning, but that always seems to be easier said than done. It's hard to listen to him cry if I haven't tried something first. I can't just lay there with him screaming if he really is in pain or hungry. I guess this time it was none of those things and he just wanted mommy and decided to throw a tantrum until he got what he wanted. Well, the episode left us both tired and cranky the next day. And since he was tired he decided to whine and cry almost all morning and into the afternoon. It's absolutely exhausting. Thank goodness he slept last night (he woke up a few times but went back to sleep after being plugged or fed) and slept in this morning. So hopefully those black circles and bags under my eyes will start to disappear....one day.
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