2010

Just hours away from the new year. I don't know where the last decade has gone. It feels like it was just Y2K. The year 2009 has been quite the year for me. I would say it has been the best year of my life and the worst year of my life all at the same time, with stuff wrapped up somewhere in between. I had my first child, and found a love like no other. I absolutely adore him and love being a mother. I feel like I am finally in the role that I've been waiting my whole life for. My husband has been deployed for about half of this year. It has been difficult for so many different reasons, but I have learned that I am stronger than I thought. I have graduated from college and earned my teaching license. I have learned a lot about myself this year and others. I have deepened my faith like never before. I am excited to see what 2010 will bring and all of the experiences and life lessons that will become memories in my life.

Oh, and if you wondering my plans to bring in the new year...I will hopefully be sleeping.

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Every night has gotten a little better since introducing the bassinet to Nathan. Last night was wonderful and if we can repeat it every night I would be extremely happy. He went to bed at 11pm and didn't wake up until 3am. I rolled over and looked at the clock and panicked. I jumped out of bed to check on him. I saw his back moving and could hear him breathing so I went back to bed but then I started doubting myself. So I got back up and turned on the night light and checked again. He woke up shortly thereafter, probably from me bothering him. After his feeding he went back to bed at 4am and slept until a little after 7:30am. It was wonderful! I almost don't know what to do with this much sleep. This is the good.

The dogs are still annoying. This is the bad.

The night before last Nate had the biggest poop blow out I have ever seen. He was sitting on my lap and he started pooping. I usually wait for him to get it all out before I change him so I just told him to let me know when he was done. Next thing I know I looked down and there was a puddle of poo in my lap. He had completely soaked through his diaper, sleeper, and blanket. It was disgusting. I took him straight upstairs to take a bath. The worst part was that he was in a sleeper gown so I had to pull the thing over his head. Let's just say that poop was everywhere. This, obviously, is the ugly.

In His Own Bed

I ordered the angelcare monitor, which detects motion, to put in Nathan's bassinet. Since he won't sleep on his back, it's the only way I figured I could have him sleep in his bed and not on me. This allows me to put him on his belly to sleep and not have to worry about SIDS, since the monitor detects breathing and will alarm if there's no movement for 20 seconds. The first night we tried it out was Wednesday. It was a horrible night! He would only sleep for an hour at a time. Last night went a little better with him sleeping in 2 hour stretches. I think he just needs to get used to sleeping in his bed and not with me. Although it is extremely difficult to keep putting him back in that bed when I know I could get a good amount of sleep if he just stayed with me. But I know this way is better for him and for me. I don't really get good sleep when he's with me and he is safer when he's in his own bed. So we'll just keep at it and eventually I think it will get better. It is hard to go backwards and I wish I had the monitor from the time he was born, but I guess that's the way it goes.

My grandma flew in from Arizona on Wednesday. She has been an enormous help, even if she may not realize it. I'm actually eating meals! That in itself is a big accomplishment around here. And if for no other reason, it is nice to have the company and someone in the house to talk to. It is really good to see her. I haven't seen her since my wedding, which was 2 1/2 years ago. She's going to stay with me a month so it will be nice to have her here through the holidays as well.

The dogs, well, the dogs are on my last nerve. Yesterday they escaped from the yard so I had to go fix the fence. They bark and wake the baby. I love them, but they are definitely testing my patience. I just need to get through these first few months. I know right now is going to be difficult with everything, and they're not helping the situation, but I try to stay hopeful that it will all be better soon.

It is definitely harder not having Michael home. In the short amount of time that he was home, I got used to him being here. It has been difficult to talk on the webcam with his schedule and now that I have Nate. So we've been relying on emails to keep in touch, which isn't the same, but I guess I can't complain. It could be worse. I am looking forward to the day he comes home for good, that's for sure.

Exhausted but Okay

I now have Nate in my lap, but the let the record show he just slept in the play yard for 20 minutes! Small victories. So yes, he currently will only sleep with me, or some morning naps in his swing. Although I don't usually try to even put him in his swing at night. I'm so tired it's just easier to stay put. I know, bad mommy. But right now sleep is precious and if I'm doing something wrong, then so be it. I'm doing this all by myself, which so far seems to be the biggest struggle. It's hard to never get a break, no one to come home from work in the evening to help me. So if I don't do things according to the book, well that's okay by me for now. We're just working on getting through each day. Although I have to say, as exhausted as I am, I just look down at his precious little face and it makes it all worth it. And while it's hard when he has to be held all the time, I couldn't pick a better person to snuggle up with all the time. I do have plans to eventually get him to sleep in his bassinet, but just in time. Maybe after my Grandma comes to stay with me and I have a little help then I will attempt those things that risk further sleep loss.

He took an extremely long nap this afternoon, and several failed attempts at waking him, he's now up. Exactly what I was afraid of. I've been working on switching his schedule and the last few nights have been successful. He used to be awake from 11pm to 1am and I got him used to being up from 9pm-11pm. Then after that it's up every 2 hours through the night. Well, it's almost 11pm now and he's up. Looks like we're in for a long night.

He had a doctor appointment this week. He's now up to 9lbs 10oz. Such a good little eater. Everything else was good-the doctor said he looked nice and healthy.

So while we're tired, we're doing okay. Honestly, the biggest struggle is not taking care of him by myself, but the lack of company. Michael was only home for 2 weeks, but in those short 2 weeks, I got really used to having someone in the house again. I guess it's just getting used to his absence again and getting into a routine with Nate. Each day at a time.

Hypothermia

Nathan's cord fell off on Saturday so I decided to give him a bath on Sunday morning. I was so excited! He did pretty good and loved it when I poured warm water on him. But that was about the only thing he liked. Otherwise he was screaming. He pooped twice and peed once, requiring a rewashing. It was a disaster and probably took three times longer than it should have. By the time we were done he was shivering and his feet were purple. I felt horrible! I swaddled him up and held him until he calmed down and was nice and warm again. I feel better after talking to other mommies that this has happened to as well. Hopefully the next bath will go a lot better.

He's two weeks old today. Last night was a long night. The night before was wonderful and deceiving. He usually is up from 11pm to 1am every night, wide awake. The night before last he switched it to 9pm-11pm and slept for almost 4 hours at a time. Well, this was short lived. Last night he was up every two hours, if not sooner, and was fussy. I'm exhausted today and I have a headache. I should be sleeping but of course I can't always sleep when he does.

He has a doctor appointment tomorrow. I'm anxious to see how much he weighs now. When we took him in after 5 days he was almost back up to his original weight. Jaime brought the boys up yesterday and now Nate seems so small next to Landon. It will be neat to watch them grow up together.

I woke up this morning to find a light dusting of snow on the grass. It's gone now but was the first sign of winter we've had. The temperatures are definitely getting colder. I can handle the cold, I just don't know if I am ready for the snow. Hopefully this will be a mild year otherwise we might end up getting snowed in. I can't imagine how I'm going to shovel any snow.